B
is for
Brains
Brains are icky. Brains are gross. Brains are piles of squishy meat that somehow manage to control who we are, the words we say and what we do. No wonder then that they play such an important role in the world of B-Movie Monster Bullsh*t.
First, they sit in the heads of the mad scientists who create the monsters, either by accident or design. These brains are perverted by their need for conquest and glory—to prove to the world that the cheerleaders and jocks shouldn’t have laughed at poor Poindexter when he won the Grade 12 science fair. They build to destroy and direct science in ways it should never go.
Second, they’re placed in the heads of poor pathetic creatures whose monstrosity is not their own fault, but the result of their patchwork design. Big, small, beautiful and ugly, these sons and daughters of Mary Shelley, came out of the lab fully formed with brains from jars labeled “Abnormal”. Poor sad bastards.
Third, there are the mutated brains that don’t need bodies to justify their existence. They exist instead as forces of pure malevolence, whether they’re The Brain that Wouldn’t Die, Donovan’s Brain, The Brain From Planet Arous, The Brain or a Fiend Without a Face.
And, fourth and finally, brains are the food source of choice of many a rampaging creature. Soft and squishy, they’re ready to serve right from the source, just make sure you pronounce it the proper way, because in this case saying anything other than brrrraaaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnssssss will be a dead give away that yours are good to eat.
B
is for
Brains
and
Brains
are
Badass