50 Words or Less - Once Bitten

For some the capsule review comes easy, but for me it’s an exercise in pure frustration. As a means of self-discipline I have decided to confront that which tortures me through this continuing feature—B-Movie Bullsh*t in 50 Words or Less.

Carrey’s star debut, Once Bitten posits a world where he’s Los Angeles’ last virgin, which poses a problem for vampire Hutton, who needs his untainted blood to retain her beauty. Bizarrely Carrey plays the straight man, making the ungodly hot 42 year-old supermodel the only reason to check this out.

50 Words or Less - Evilspeak

For some the capsule review comes easy, but for me it’s an exercise in pure frustration. As a means of self-discipline I have decided to confront that which tortures me through this continuing feature—B-Movie Bullsh*t in 50 Words or Less.

Howard plays a nerdy student at a military school who’s bullied by 28 year-old That 70s Show dad, Stark. Using a home computer, Howard joins forces with the spirit of Bull from Night Court and gets his revenge. The moral of the story is: Never mess with a geek’s puppy.

50 Words or Less - Stuck On You!

For some the capsule review comes easy, but for me it’s an exercise in pure frustration. As a means of self-discipline I have decided to confront that which tortures me through this continuing feature—B-Movie Bullsh*t in 50 Words or Less.

The notorious Troma Entertainment's most mainstream film, Stuck On You! is probably still too vulgar and raunchy for most casual viewers. A broad comic deconstruction of romance through the ages, the film has the best joke to laugh ratio of Kaufman and Herz’s pre-Toxic Avenger oeuvre. Which isn’t saying much.

50 Words or Less - Going Ape!

For some the capsule review comes easy, but for me it’s an exercise in pure frustration. As a means of self-discipline I have decided to confront that which tortures me through this continuing feature—B-Movie Bullsh*t in 50 Words or Less.

Directed by the screenwriter of the Eastwood orangutan movies, Going Ape! pairs Taxi stars Danza and De Vito in a dispiriting comedy that’s too juvenile for adults, but too adult for kids. It features a scene where a hit man is knocked down by the body of an attractive female cadaver.

50 Words or Less - Nightmare Sisters

For some the capsule review comes easy, but for me it’s an exercise in pure frustration. As a means of self-discipline I have decided to confront that which tortures me through this continuing feature—B-Movie Bullsh*t in 50 Words or Less.

With Nightmare Sisters, Z-Movie auteur David Decoteau proves what you can do if you film 10-minute masters without any coverage—make a terrible movie very cheaply. Despite this the movie succeeds thanks to the best special effects Decoteau could buy—scream queens Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens, and Michelle Bauer.

50 Words or Less - Black Frankenstein (aka Blackenstein)

For some the capsule review comes easy, but for me it’s an exercise in pure frustration. As a means of self-discipline I have decided to confront that which tortures me through this continuing feature—B-Movie Bullsh*t in 50 Words or Less.

A quadruple amputee (in some scenes, at least) Vietnam war vet is turned into the title character in one of the worst Blaxploitation movies ever made. Directed by Skatetown USA’s William Levey, Black Frankenstein is so cheap it uses "Oh Tannenbaum" as background music during an automobile make out scene.

50 Words or Less - Delinquint Schoolgirls

For some the capsule review comes easy, but for me it’s an exercise in pure frustration. As a means of self-discipline I have decided to confront that which tortures me through this continuing feature—B-Movie Bullsh*t in 50 Words or Less.

A trio of escaped maniacs, one black, one gay, and one Michael Pataki, cause mayhem at a girls school devoted to educating extraordinarily busty centerfolds torn from 70s men’s magazines. Delinquent Schoolgirls plays like less self-indulgent late-era Russ Meyer, but is often too mean-spirited to dismiss as harmless soft-core exploitation.